


Goodbye

by disneyswiftie



Series: Tyrus Oneshots [22]
Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Avoidance of places, Crying, Dandelions, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Back Together, M/M, Memories, Mental Breakdown, No contact, Phone Call, Post-Break Up, Sadness, Song: Goodbye (Miley Cyrus), The Swing Set (Andi Mack), meeting up, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:42:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24380737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disneyswiftie/pseuds/disneyswiftie
Summary: Songfic loosely based on 'Goodbye' by Miley Cyrus. (2008 song)
Relationships: Cyrus Goodman/T. J. Kippen
Series: Tyrus Oneshots [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1720249
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> See tags for trigger warning.
> 
> This was published on my Wattpad account on March 23 (2020).

_I can honestly say you've been on my mind, since I woke up today_

Staring blankly at the ceiling. That's all I've been doing since 7:13AM. It's a sunny day in May and all I'm doing is staring at my ceiling. Well, aside from lying on my back in bed, and, oh yeah. Thinking about _him_. My... _ex_ -boyfriend, as much as it hurts to say. TJ Kippen.

It's now 10:40AM, as I can tell from looking over at my alarm clock for the first time in over three hours. I'm surprised I haven't fallen back asleep yet. But then again, it's not really _that_ surprising. I mean, this has been happening at least once a week, for the last two months.

I miss him. I miss him so much. _Gosh_ , I can't deal with this. I slowly sit up, wincing from the cramps in my back. I've got to stop doing this. Staying in the same position in bed for three hours after I woke up was probably not the best decision. But when you've already made possibly the worst decision you could ever make, why even care? It's not like I have school today. It's Sunday.

_I look at your photograph all the time. These memories come back to life, and I don't mind_

Once I've sat up completely, I stand up and walk over to my dresser. But instead of picking up my phone, like I planned to do before heading downstairs, I make yet another senseless decision. I flip over the picture frame that's face down next to my favourite book. I stare at the photo of TJ hugging me from behind, my chest suddenly feeling tight.

I feel my eyes start to water slightly. _Don't cry.... Don't. Cry._ I think to myself, firmly. I wipe my eyes dry with the back of my hand. _It's your own fault, you freak. Get over it already._

I take a deep breath and pick up my phone, before walking downstairs. I plaster on the same fake smile I use every day, and approach the breakfast table to have pancakes with my parents.

I'm honestly glad they haven't picked up on anything yet. I don't want to have to explain everything to them. I never told them when I was dating TJ, even though it was very difficult to hide. I haven't even come out to them, which, is ridiculous. They're therapists, so they have to be supportive when almost half their clientele is in the community. But I'm still scared.  


_I remember when we kissed; I still feel it on my lips_

When night comes, I lie back down in bed and put my headphones on. I put my music on shuffle in an attempt to distract myself, but it doesn't work. Every single stupid song reminds me of him. Why can't everything just stop? Please. I don't want to think about him. _I don't want to think about him._

My mind flickers back to my fifteenth birthday party. We were counting down to midnight, waiting for me to officially be fifteen. It was a party with all my friends, not my family. And they all knew about our relationship. So when TJ pulled me away from the crowd last minute, we didn't have to worry about suspicion.

I remember he took me outside next to a tree in my backyard. There were lights set up everywhere, and I thought it was the sweetest thing ever. Suddenly, we heard everyone inside counting down from ten. I would start off being fifteen next to the love of my life. We had been dating for almost a month already, but I had no idea what was coming. TJ was staring at me with a soft smile as there was only three seconds left. We heard everyone shout, "One, zero, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CYRUS!"

Then, he leaned in and kissed me. My first kiss. _Our_ first kiss. And it was perfect. It only lasted a few seconds, but it was everything I ever dreamed of. Everything that I ever wanted. Everything that is over now.

_The time that you danced with me, with no music playing_

After that, we had stared at each other for several minutes, smiling, both of my hands interlocked with his. I suggested that we go inside to see the others, but only responded with "Let's wait a bit," in that voice that makes me want to drop everything just to be with him.

He repositioned his hands, one on my shoulder and the other on my waist, which I quickly matched.

"What are we doing now?" I asked, playfully, as he started to slowly sway back and forth.

"Dancing," he smiled back at me.

"Well, where's the music?" I teased.

"We don't need music," he told me, softly, before kissing me again. His kisses were everything.

_I remember the simple things; I remember 'til I cry_

I finally decide to shut off my music, because it's not doing me any good. I get up and put my headphones and phone back on my dresser. _Why didn't I turn that picture back over again this morning?_ One glance at the photo, and I'm falling to my knees, sobbing. I haven't allowed myself to cry like this since the breakup two months ago. I guess I just let myself go numb. But everything's coming back at once now, and I can't take it.

_But the one thing I wish I'd forget, the memory I wanna forget, is goodbye_

"I'm sorry, TJ!" I pleaded with him, latching onto his arm when he tried to walk away. Tears were streaming down my face. But when he turned to look at me, all I saw was red. His face was red with anger.

"Let go of me," he said sternly, shaking my hand off. "I don't care about any apologies. You went too far this time."

"I...I just wanted to help you," I choked out. "I'm worried about you."

"Well, don't be!" he shouted. "Goodbye, Cyrus."

"Teej..." I whispered, my voice hoarse from crying.

He didn't say anything else. Just walked away. That was the last time I ever heard his voice.

_I woke up this morning and played our song, and through my tears I sang along_

I guess I fell asleep at some point while I was crying there next to my dresser last night, because I wake up on the floor, curled in a ball. Standing up, I check the time and see that it's 10 in the morning. I've never slept in that long. Before I make the same mistake again, I turn to my dresser, looking directly at the wall behind it. I use my peripheral vision to see where the frame is, grab it, and stuff it in my top drawer face down.

I know I'm going to have to get rid of it at some point. But I also know there's no way I'm going to be ready for that anytime soon. So instead, I put my phone on my speaker and hit shuffle on my music app. I start to get dressed, before realizing what song is playing.

Great. Universe, why are you doing this to me? It's TJ's favourite song. The one that we always listened and danced crazily to together. And now I'm crying again. Also, for some stupid reason, my brain is making me sing along to the lyrics. While crying. This is not a good start to the day.

_I picked up the phone and then put it down, 'cause I know I'm wasting my time_

After I'm finished changing, I pick up my phone off the dresser, ready to go eat. But I somehow find myself unlocking it and opening my contacts. It's like I'm being mindlessly controlled as I scroll down and stare at TJ's contact. _No_. It's not worth it. Even if he took that 1% chance and picked up, I'd just get yelled at. And I'm not going to make my mental health even worse by riling him up again after 8 weeks of being apart.

So I close the app and lock my phone, heading downstairs. It's a Monday but there's some bank holiday I don't really care about today so I'm off of school. I grab a granola bar which I stuff into my pocket along with my phone. Then I take a clementine out of the fruit bowl before slipping on my shoes and heading out the door.

_I remember when we kissed; I still feel it on my lips. The time that you danced with me, with no music playing_

I walk to the park and sit on the grass in the middle of a large empty field. Now you might be wondering why I'm sitting on the ground, and not even next to anything. Well that's because I now have to avoid all swings, trees, and benches to avoid breaking down. I'm that pathetic. I'm almost 17, and yet I'm acting like I'm 5. Classic Cyrus.

The swings are mine and TJ's special place. I can't go there knowing I don't have him anymore. The bench, of course, the one in Andi's grandmother's backyard. That was where we first got together, at Andi's second party.

I have to avoid trees because they make me think of the first and second time TJ kissed me. Along with that dance, because honestly, it was my favourite moment ever. I need him back. I can't do this anymore. This is too hard.

_I remember the simple things; I remember 'til I cry_

I eat my clementine in silence, apart from the gentle blowing of the wind through the tall flowers near me. Did I mention I'm in a field of flowers? I couldn't find anywhere else in the park away from trees and swings and benches, so, I'm sitting surrounded by flowers.

There are many types of flowers around, mostly very tall — above my head because I'm sitting down. But there's one type that stands out to me suddenly. I didn't notice them there before. But there are unsurprisingly a lot of yellow dandelions. And I hate it.

I hate that there are so many dandelions around me because it makes me think of the very person I'm trying so hard not to think of. It makes me think of April 5th last year, when he looked up the national day for fun.

He found out it was national dandelion day. So, being the silly goofball he's always been around me, he picked a bouquet of dandelions from his yard and brought them to my house. He gave them to me, pretending they were roses, and we both burst out laughing. He was always so fun to be around. But now it's all over and I can't stop crying.

_But the one thing I wish I'd forget, the memory I wanna forget..._

Why did I have to be so stupid? Why couldn't I just leave it alone? I could have just helped him myself. Except I couldn't, he wouldn't let me. But I could have at least talked to him about it, and tried to convince him to go his parents himself. Then maybe he wouldn't hate me.

 _Universe, please._ I think. _Help me. Do something. Give me another chance._ I'm sorry, TJ. I'm so sorry.   
Please come back to me. I love you.

_Suddenly, my cell phone's blowing up with your ringtone. I hesitate, but answer it anyway_

Then, it happens. I hear that signature sound coming from my phone, for the first time in what feels like an eternity. TJ's ringtone. He's actually calling me. Did he mean to call me? What if he just butt-dialled me? What if he clicked the wrong contact or typed the wrong number?

Should I answer? It could be really awkward if it was an accident. But on the other hand, what if I don't answer and he needs me? Or what if he could forgive me? Anything could happen. But I don't want to ignore it in case it's important.

I take my phone out of my pocket and reluctantly click accept.

"Um, hello?" I gulp. There's a feeling of anxiety in my chest before he answers.

_You sound so alone_

"Cyrus?" he whispers, hoarsely. My heart breaks in half.

"TJ? A-are you okay? What's happening?" I stutter, anxiously. I blink back tears, overwhelmed from hearing his voice after so long, and also extremely worried.

"N-no, I'm not," he chokes out. It sounds like he's crying and I just want to hug him. "I...I can't stop thinking, about things. And it hurts. So much."

_And I'm surprised to hear you say, you remember when we kissed; you still feel it on your lips_

"...what kinds of things?" I speak, hesitantly. I really hope it's not like it was before.

"It's just, ugh. This is going to sound so pathetic."

"Just tell me, it's alright."

"It's not alright! Nothing is alright! Every stupid little thing reminds me of you and I can't get your face out of my head," he tells me, shocking me to my core. He's been feeling the same as me? I thought he never wanted to see me again. "I keep thinking back to everything we've been through, like...like when I kissed you for the first time when you turned 15."

_The time that you danced with me, with no music playing_

"You remember that?" I ask, quietly.

"Yeah," he answers, barely above a whisper. "It was right before we danced to no music."

"I-I thought you would've forgotten by now. I th-thought you hated me."

"I don't hate you, Cy. I never did," he says after a shaky breath. "I've been like this for weeks and I just, I hate myself so much for how I treated you. I've been trying to get myself to call you for so long but I was scared that _you_ hated _me_ for how I left you that day. I'm so so sorry."

_You remember the simple things; we talked 'til we cried_

"TJ, I could never hate you," I tell him, and then pause before continuing. "Could you possibly, um, meet me at the park to talk? Maybe? I mean, it's fine if not, I don't want to overwhelm you and you might not even want to see me and-"

"Cyrus, it's okay. I'll come meet you there, um, if you're sure."

"Yes, I'm sure," I breathe out. "I was already at the park when you called. Is it okay if we meet at the s-swings? I'm in some random field but I can head there. If, that's okay."

"Yeah. I'll meet you at the swings. I'll head there soon once I'm ready."

He hangs up the phone and I walk over to the swings, waiting for him to arrive. My face is still wet with tears so I wipe them off with my spring jacket. Not that it matters much, since my eyes are still continuing to water.

_You said that your biggest regret, the one thing you wish I'd forget, is saying goodbye_

After about half an hour of silently swinging, TJ walks up about 10 feet in front of me. The sight of his red, tear stained face, is enough to trigger my own tears to come back, instantly falling down from my eyes.

Something inside me makes me stand up, and we both walk towards each other. I engulf him into a hug and he returns the embrace, as we cry into each other's shoulders.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I say between sobs. "I shouldn't have gone behind your back. I was just so worried and you wouldn't let me do anything to help but I should've just talked to you."

We pull apart and he stops crying, looking right at me as I look at my shoes. "Cyrus, look at me."

I stop crying and look up. He looks me in the eyes as he continues, "You did the right thing, okay? I-I was wrong to lash out at you. I know you would never try to upset me. And, and I know that what you did was for the best."

"S-so you're not mad?" I ask.

"No. I'm not. I've, um, sort of been avoiding my parents since you told them. But, I think I'm r-ready now. I'm ready to talk to them, about...my stuff."

"That's really great. I'm so glad."

"Thank you. I'm...not really sure where we stand, right now. But I've missed you so much and I think about you all the time. I was really hoping, if you can ever forgive me, can we please be together again? Or, if not, at least be friends. You're honestly the best person I've ever met and I really just need you in my life, somehow."

"I would love to be together again. I forgive you, Teej," I say. "I know that you were and are in a bad place, and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. Okay?"

"Okay. Could you help me, when I talk to my parents about my depression please?" he asks me. "I'd feel better if you were there."

"Of course. I'll always be here for you."

I pull him into another hug, and he hugs me back. And for the first time in two months, I'm happy again.

After we pull away, we walk over and sit down on the swings. For the next hour or so, we swing contentedly, and our worries melt away.

**Author's Note:**

> Well that was a roller coaster of emotions. Sorry for the overload of angst, hope nobody cried too much. Tbh I don't usually cry/tear up while reading books, but I actually did cry a lot while writing the scenes after the lyric "you sound so alone", so there's that. Have a good day/night everyone :)


End file.
